Holder Volcano

Member of the Uzbek Union of Writers


- When we entered your cave, your wife said that you were 750 years old. Your daughter is 170 and your son will soon turn 300. Is this true, or did I hear it wrong?
- Yes, it's true, Lainjon Lanat. I'm actually 750 years old. Do I look older or something? - Baltabalyk said.
- That's just it. You look very young. I just wonder, how can a person live so long? - Lainjon Lanat was surprised.
- And what, people don't live so long on your Earth? - Baltabalyk asked in surprise.
- Our people live on average 50-60 years. We have polluted air, countless factories were smoking day and night all over the planet, releasing carbon dioxide into the atmosphere and the radiation is off the scale, - Yakan ibn Hakan replied.
- What are you guys joking about? - Baltabalyk was surprised again.
- Honest pioneer- said Lainjon Lanat.
- Well, you poor earthlings! Our monkeys even live longer than you! - Baltabalyk exclaimed.
- If people on Earth would live as long as you do, then our dictators would sit in the presidential chair for 2000 years!



Yakan ibn Khaqan

(The fantastic story)

The endless quarrels of his wife simply exhausted Yakan ibn Khaqan and forced him to fly to the planet "Gurrabash" to bring back precious stones, exchanging them for dung. It turns out that in Gurrabash, dung is the most expensive material, like gold and diamonds here. And precious metals and precious stones have no value, like dung on our globe. Yakan ibn Khaqan had been preparing for a long and dangerous flight for a long time, carefully checking the technical serviceability of his flying saucer.Then, taking his driver's license and passport, he flew to the planet "Gurrabash", loading as many dung as possible into the trunk of his flying saucer, which he collected in the meadows all summer. His saucer flew at breakneck speed through space rocks such as meteorites, asteroids, fragments that sometimes crashed into the thick bulletproof windshield of the aircraft unit. Despite this, the spacecraft of Yakan ibn Khaqan continued its journey through the vast expanses of boundless space, illuminating its way with powerful headlights. Yakan ibn Khaqan was most afraid of falling asleep, because falling asleep he could commit a space catastrophe and die. Therefore, in order not to fall asleep at the helm, he began to sing the song of the great Uzbek singer from Fergana Tavakkal Kadyrov "Ohshaydiku" to the poems of the poet Hamza Hakimzada Niyazi, who was brutally killed by religious fans, throwing stones at Shakhimardan. Yakan ibn Khaqan flew for a long time, until near the air restaurant, some strange type of tall, skinny, like Shaitan, stopped him with a spacewalker, raising his thumb up. Yakan ibn Khaqan stopped his aircraft and a man in a spacesuit climbed into the cockpit.
- Close the door and fasten your seat belt! - said Yakan ibn Khaqan.
-Well, thank you very much, my friend, for helping! I'm all frozen. I was flying to a neighboring galaxy and on you, the flying saucer on which I was flying broke. I did not spend money on its repair and waited for the arrival of mechanics. Besides, it's not mine. I rented this wreck from a neighbor. I thought, I'd better catch some passing flying saucers and fly on. I don't like flying on cosmo beads. It's full of bad drunk humanoids... Do you recognize me? "What is it?" he asked suddenly, smiling slyly.
-No, I don't remember you. Maybe we crossed paths somewhere, saw each other, I don't know, - replied Yakan ibn Khaqan, casting a cursory glance in the rearview mirror.
The fellow traveler continued: - It's me, Lainjon Lanat, who caused you a lot of evil. Remember, we were once sitting at Ibn Nigman's house, drinking vodka, and when we ran out of booze, you flew on this old flying saucer of yours for vodka, disappearing into a snowstorm. That's when I delivered a heavy blow to Ibn Nigman's head with a tire iron. When he fell with a bloody head on the floor, I cleaned out his pockets, took money and jewelry , and to get rid of the body, I threw the corpse of ibn Nigman into a deep snow-covered ravine. I thought that a pack of hungry wolves would eat his corpse, leaving no evidence. Your passport in a cellophane cover, which I stole from you along with the money when you got drunk, I also threw the passport into the ravine. Then disappeared into the forest. The impenetrable blizzard was still raging. In the spring, when the snow melted, the police found the body of Ibn Nigman, rotting beyond recognition, and your passport. Then you were detained, suspected of murder, and then you went to jail. So you've been in prison all these years because of my sins. I think that today we were met by fate itself, from which you can not escape. I deeply regret what I have done and I really want to ask you for forgiveness, Yakan ibn Khaqan. It would be nice if you would forgive me.
Yakan ibn Khaqan was silent and calmly flew to himself, without taking his eyes off the space-air road, instead of rushing at the vile Lainjon Lanat and strangling him.
- Or maybe you want me to apologize to you in writing? Lainjon Lanat asked, smiling.
- Yes, I think so. Preferably in two copies. I will keep one for myself, and the presiding judge will attach the other to the criminal case in court, - replied Yakan ibn Khaqan, also with a smile on his lips.
Then he added: "You know, Lainjon Lanat, I am sympathetic to sick people, in the spiritual sense of the word. The same applies to vile and envious types and stupid brainless animals, - he said.
With such conversations, they continued the flight until the super-high-speed space ship of Yakan ibn Khaqan fell into an air pit resembling a concrete mixer, where numerous fragments of meteorites drummed on the body.
- It's started! - Yakan ibn Khaqan said, clutching the steering wheel of the aircraft with all his strength with blue fingers. The flying saucer trembled, losing altitude and abruptly began to descend, as if the heart of Yakan ibn Khaqan had sunk into its heels. The fall lasted a long time. Lainjon Lanat screamed in horror: - Yakan ibn Khaqan! Do something! Oh, my God! - he shouted, crying and spinning like a stone in a concrete mixer.
- Now, Lainjon Lanat! Now, ain't the moment! - Yakan ibn Khaqan said, trying to take control of the recalcitrant machine. At this time, they both saw high rocks that flashed on the monitor and shouted in fear: - Aaaaaaaaaaa!
It is good that Yakan ibn Hakan was able to establish control over the car. After that, the flying space ship flew at high speed between two rocks. Then, slowly losing speed and barely touching the snow with his belly, he began to fly low over the snow-covered fields. Yakan ibn Khaqan pressed the brakes and they worked. Finally, the Flying saucer, taking a deep snowdrift near the forest cordon, stopped. Yakan ibn Hakan and Lainjon Lanat sat for a long time in a state of shock in the cabin of the flying saucer. Then, gradually coming to their senses, they began to thank God that he had left them alive. Their legs were still shaking from the fear they had experienced. A lump the size of a small lemon formed on the forehead of Yakan ibn Khaqan. Lainjon Lanat was sitting with a broken head and crying with happiness. After a while, Yakan ibn Hakan opened the hatch and they climbed up. They came out of the cabin of the flying saucer that had made an emergency landing and thought, not knowing what to do and where to go. It was snowing, a blizzard was humming. Against the background of snow, it was possible to distinguish the surrounding area. Suddenly, at the foot of a high cliff, they saw a small cave where a light was burning.
- I feel intuitively that there is someone there, - said Yakan ibn Khaqan and headed towards the cave, stumbling and falling into the snow. Lainjon Lanat followed him. When they came close to the cave, they saw a man with a crossbow in his hands, tall, broad-shouldered, with long hair, and a serious face, dressed in animal skin, presumably a wolf.
- Hello, sir! We, this, came from the planet "Earth". Maybe you've heard of it? There is such a planet in the universe where earthlings produce chemical, biological and bacteriological weapons of mass destruction, cruise, ballistic intercontinental missiles with nuclear warheads to destroy each other, comparing the beautiful cities that their ancestors built with the earth... Oh, sorry, we didn't introduce ourselves. I am an entrepreneur Yakan ibn Hakan, and this passenger's name is Lainjon Lanat. We are taking dung to the planet "Gurrabash" to exchange them for gold and diamonds, " said Yakan ibn Hakan.
The man with a crossbow in his hands, looking at the screen of his compact translator device, began to say:
- Hello, gentlemen aliens! Welcome to our planet. I am very glad to meet you. My name is Baltabalyk-the device translated the words of the man with a crossbow.
- It was nice to meet you, Mr. Baltabalyk. We were flying through the boundless space together, but unfortunately our Flying saucer broke down and we had to make an emergency landing here. Is there a repair shop for spacecraft in the vicinity? We need to repair our saucer and fly on. We will pay for the repair with priceless dung, " said Lainjon Lanat.
- Yes, don't worry about it. We have a repair shop for aircraft of any modification.There are also enough spare parts and qualified mechanics who will help you. Only we have such a tradition - to meet aliens as their relatives and treat them with what God has sent, no matter from which galaxy they have arrived.So, first I invite you to visit. Come to me, dear aliens - said Baltabalyk.
- The Earthlings agreed and followed the alien. When they entered the cave, Baltabalyk introduced them to his wife.
"This is my wife, Mrs. Matilda, - he said... Yakan ibn Khaqan wanted to shake and kiss the tender hands of Baltabalyk's wife, but it was not expected. Baltabalyk's hostile wife met them, as they say, with hostility. She started yelling at Baltabalyk and a compact translator device began to translate her words into our language.
- Why did you bring these parasites, why?! Well, why do we need guests when we have nothing to eat ourselves?! When will you finally come to your senses, you fool of fools?! When?! Tell me, where did you find them?! They only look like a person! Maybe they are werewolves or zombies infected with rabies, how do you know them?!.. Oh, why did I even marry this idiot, for God's sake!.. Mrs. Matilda said, and began to beat her face with her hand, as if punishing herself for marrying Baltabalyk by mistake.
Hearing the words of his grumpy wife, poor Baltabalyk blushed deeply with shame. And his wife kept grumbling: - He's already seven hundred and fifty years old, and he's still like a little boy! Naive loser, as he was a fool, so he remained! Our daughter is already 170 years old, and our son will soon turn 300! They should be married! And for what money, I ask? In order to have a normal wedding, it takes at least 45-50 thousand shilatans! Who will give us such a sum of money?! We have to get them on their feet! Otherwise, my father will turn over in his flying coffin!.. While saying these words, the woman began to cry into her leaky apron. Baltabalyk said quietly to Yakan Ibn Hakan and lainjon Lanat - Let's get out of here, Earthlings. The new friends went out into the street, where a blizzard was buzzing, whirling snow flakes in the gloom. The diamond dust of snowflakes did not allow them to open their eyes. They followed Baltabalyk, protecting themselves from snow flakes with their hands, looking back from time to time.
- Mr. Baltabalyk, where are we going?! Lainjon Lanat shouted, walking heavily in the thick snow, through a snow vortex.
- To my office! - Baltabalyk exclaimed without looking back. They headed towards the high cliffs. The distant howling of polar wolves could be heard. Finally, they came to the cave where Baltabalyk works. The guests came to the door and shook the snow off their clothes. Baltabalyk took the keys and opened the door. They observed that it resembled the cabins of a huge helicopter, as there were many different devices, sensors and buttons. The floor was covered with the skins of some kind of animal with long hair. There was a small window on the wall of the cave.
- Here, my friends earthlings, this is my office. I work in this hole, " Baltabalyk said.
- Excuse me, please, Mr. Baltabalyk, What do you do here, if it's not a secret? - Yakan ibn Khaqan asked.
- My work is not hard, but it is responsible. I work as the main sun igniter and sun extinguisher of our planet. I turn on the sun in the morning and turn it off in the evening to somehow save energy. You see, the moon and the stars are real, but the sun is artificial. Well, what to do if our planet is far from the sun? The work is interesting and romantic. I get 99 shilatans per month. This is not enough, of course.But I'm not complaining. On the contrary, I am happy when I see children playing in the sun, cheerfully and together shouting like seagulls on the shore of the sea. The time of the year changes every two weeks. Today is the last day of the second week. That is, the end of winter. Tomorrow morning, the long-awaited spring will come.Migratory birds will arrive from the south. The most interesting thing is that our plants are also adapted to the seasons and they grow quickly, right before our eyes. The trees also hurriedly open their buds, open their leaves and bloom. And there is summer, autumn, winter again, and so on, " Baltabalyk explained.
- Yes, you have an interesting planet and your work is unique, - said Lainjon Lanat. Then he continued: - excuse me, I have another question.
- Please, what is the question? Baltabalik smiled.
- When we entered your cave, your wife said that you were 750 years old. Your daughter is 170 and your son will soon turn 300. Is this true, or did I hear it wrong?
- Yes, it's true, Lainjon Lanat. I'm actually 750 years old. Do I look older or something? - Baltabalyk said.
- That's just it. You look very young. I just wonder, how can a person live so long? - Lainjon Lanat was surprised.
- And what, people don't live so long on your Earth? - Baltabalyk asked in surprise.
- Our people live on average 50-60 years. We have polluted air, countless factories were smoking day and night all over the planet, releasing carbon dioxide into the atmosphere and the radiation is off the scale, - Yakan ibn Hakan replied.
- What are you guys joking about? - Baltabalyk was surprised again.
- Honest pioneer- said Lainjon Lanat.
- Well, you poor earthlings! Our monkeys even live longer than you! - Baltabalyk exclaimed.
- If people on Earth would live as long as you do, then our dictators would sit in the presidential chair for 2000 years!
- Excuse me, Earthlings, I'm leaving you for just a few minutes. With these words, Baltabalyk went to the next room. A few minutes later, he appeared with a large tray in his hands, where there were smoked crabs, fish and fruit. Before starting to eat, Lainjon Lanat took out a bottle of vodka from his back pocket and said:
- Mr. Baltabalyk! I want to drink with you at the bruderschaft for our acquaintance! With these words, he opened the bottle and poured vodka into faceted glasses. Yakan ibn Khaqan refused to drink.
- We will not pour Yakan ibn Khaqan. He can't. He's driving with us. And we will drink to you, to the health of your beautiful blue-eyed wife, Mrs. Matilda. Come on, take a glass and let's go! - Lainjon Lanat said, handing the glass to Baltabalyk. He smiled in response and took a faceted glass of vodka. Lainjon Lanat was the first to drain the glass, gulping down the contents. Then, while eating, he made a gesture that Baltabalyk would also drink. He drank the vodka in one gulp and choked heavily. He coughed and clutched his throat with dilated eyes, and was terribly scared, thinking that Lainjon Lanat had poisoned him.
Lainjon Lanat began to calm him down:
- Don't be afraid, Baltabalyk! It will pass now! eat, eat this!..
Baltabalyk had a bite and he felt much better. The strong vodka made his eyes water. Wiping his tears, he said:
- What a drink you have, Earthlings! I almost died!
Yakan ibn Khaqan and Lainjon Lanat were laughing. Baltabalyk too. Lainjon Lanat again filled the glasses with burning vodka to the brim and handed one of them to Baltabalyk. looking at the glass in fright, Baltabalyk refused to drink. Lainjon Lanat was offended
- I'm not taking No for an answer! Because now we will drink to the most important thing! For the cosmic friendship of the peoples of all the planets of the universe!
- Well, if for the friendship of the peoples of the planets, then I will drink it, - said Baltabalyk with a hiccup and drank the contents, emptying the garnished glass to the bottom. Lainjon Lanat too. After the third glass, Baltabalyk became completely intoxicated. He kept smiling, lazily making speeches. He laughed and giggled like a madman. After the fourth glass, he completely fell to the floor and fell asleep like a dead man. Lainjon Lanat too. Yakan ibn Khaqan sat for a long time at the window, thoughtfully looking at the snow, which was still falling in the darkness, where a blizzard was whistling, whirling snowflakes like white flies. Then, yawning widely, he also went to bed. They woke up in the afternoon, from a stupid knock on the door. Baltabalyk went to the door and opened it. A short, hunchbacked man with squinting eyes, thin as the mummies of the Egyptian pyramids, came into the office. He was holding a long and crooked staff with bells in his hands. The hunchback was yelling at Baltabalyk:
- What are you doing, Baltabalyk?! It's already twelve o'clock in the afternoon, and you're still asleep and still haven't turned on the sun!
- Sorry, sorry, Mr. Chief sorcerer-said Baltabalyk and hastily turned on the sun.
- I can't forgive you. You have caused great damage to the agriculture of our planet! The farmers were late with the sowing! Come on, write an application for your release from your post at your own request! The hunchbacked sorcerer ordered, rattling the bells that hung on his sleeve.
- Mr. Sorcerer... I won't be late anymore. Please don't kick me out of work. How am I going to feed my children without this job? My little son is barely 99 years old. I haven't been able to marry my 170-year-old daughter for so many years. I have to marry my son, who turned 300 years old. I am the only breadwinner in the family. If I lose my job, then my evil wife Matilda will kick me out of the cave. Where will I go then? Baltabalyk pleaded.
- No, you should have thought about it earlier! Write a statement and don't come here again if you don't want trouble! - said the hunchbacked sorcerer.
After these words, Baltabalyk had to vacate the room and they went outside. It was sunny outside and the snow was melting. The water gurgled and the streams flooded out. Larks were singing over the fields. Steam rose from the fields. The grass began to grow hastily right before their eyes. The trees have spread their leaves. Spring! But this did not please Yakan ibn Khaqan. Because poor Baltabalyk was kicked out of work because of them. If Baltabalyk had been sober, he would not have overslept.
- How will I live today? Now I'm finished, my alien friends. My wife will not let me into the cave - Baltabalyk sighed sadly.
- It"s nothing, cheer up, Mr. Baltabalyk! - Lainjon Lanat encouraged him.
- Fly with us to other galaxies and get married to beautiful humanoids there. Why do you need such a grumpy, harmful wife who does not respect you? It's very easy to find a job there. Get a job as a janitor and you will clean up nuclear waste, thoughtfully shuffling a broom in the predawn hour in deserted courtyards. Or you will open your own brothel, you will work as a pimp - said Lainjon Lanat.
Baltabalyk, looking sadly into the distance, said:
- I'll help you with the repair. But I can't fly with you, my earthlings friends. Because I love my home planet and I can't live without it, even if the sun is artificial! In a foreign land, I will simply wither, inconsolable longing for my planet, looking at it from afar through super-powerful telescopes! I was born in these parts, and I will die here, - Baltabalyk said.
- Don't make me laugh for God's sake, Baltabalyk! Don't be so naive. A man must be determined! Let's travel through the vast expanses of boundless space, while we are alive and well! Yakan ibn Khaqan will build a large factory there, where cotton will be processed.We will be engaged in the space business! From there, we will transport home on a caravan of flying saucers, cotton waste called "uvada", from which our compatriots sew coats, cotton blankets - blankets and other things. We'll get rich! Well, don't be sad... Spit on this planet, which underestimated you. Is this a planet!? You live damn, without even having a normal sun! Just tell me where these mechanics of yours are. As soon as we repair our flying saucer, we'll be on our way right away! The trumpet is calling! Lainjon Lanat said.
Baltabalyk kept his word by hiring repairmen and they repaired the aircraft. When the repairmen finished their work, Lainjon Lanat took another bottle of vodka from the glove compartment of the repaired flying saucer, which he hid and said:
- This case needs to be washed properly. We will drink to the mechanics on the hood of the flying saucer... When he started to open the bottle, Baltabalyk stopped him: - No, don't! Please don't open it! This drink of yours turns out to be very harmful to the human body. I only drank once and lost my job! I am afraid that I may lose my life a second time. No offense, but I will never drink this stuff again! - He swore.
Lainjon Lainat was offended: - Well, if you don't want to, we won't force you, - he said. Then he greedily gulped down the fiery-burning vodka several times, holding the bottle to his mouth like a pocket flask. After that, the three of them sat on the flying saucer and flew.
In order not to fall asleep during the flight, Lainjon Lanat began to talk.
-There are rumors that our hypersonic intercontinental cruise missiles with nuclear warheads are not weapons, but a slingshot in comparison with the weapons created by space terrorists of some galaxy, now, unfortunately, I do not remember the name.
They have invented a terrible reactor with which you can push one solar system against another. Then the whole universe will explode, can you imagine?! What kind of weapon is it? Lainjon Lanat said, looking through the monitor at the flying fragments of space rocks and at the stars. Then he continued, turning to Baltabalyk, who has a compact translator device powered by a solar battery.
- You know, Baltabalyk, the life that you have lived on your planet is not a life but a real nightmare! You did not live, your life was like an impersonation. Let's go to a place where happiness awaits us, there you will feel the taste of real life... - he said, wetting his throat with vodka along the way.
Then a small fragment of the cosmic mass hit the windshield of the flying saucer and Baltabalyk was scared: - Oh, damn! Beware, Yakan ibn Khaqan! Maybe you are tired of living, but I personally do not want to die!.. What a horror! - he said
- Yes, this is bullshit, compared to air funnels, similar to a concrete mixer, where countless fragments of meteorites, asteroids and comets rotate at breakneck speed! Lainjon Lanat tried to calm him down.
- Yes? Well, then I will forgive you to take me back home, dear earthlings, I do not want to die in vain in these God-forsaken places of the universe. Who knows, maybe there are intergalactic star warriors and humanoids that will shoot us down by opening fire from an anti-aircraft laser device. So come on, turn around -said Baltabalyk.
- What?! You coward! Who gave you the right to command here?! Why are you staring at me! Is he okay or something? - said Lainjon Lanat, who by this time was slightly drunk.Then, with all his might, he hit Baltabalik on the head with a bottle, shouting - Die, you brute!, and Baltabalik immediately lost consciousness and collapsed. Lainjon Lanat angrily wanted to throw him out of the flying saucer, but he was immediately stopped by Yakan ibn Khaqan. -What are you doing, you bastard, you psycho?! Do not open the hatch, the unit will depressurize! What have you done, you ungrateful creature?! He helped us! - Stop it! - he shouted.
- All right, Commander, calm down. Everything is fine. Well, I'm sorry, Yakan, that I overreacted. Well, with whom does this not happen? I just couldn't restrain myself - Lainjon Lanat asked for forgiveness with a lazy smile on his lips.
- You idiot! - said Yakan ibn Khaqan.
They flew for a long time. On the way, Baltabalyk woke up, but he did not remember anything. It turns out that he lost his memory. His eyes were empty, like a man who has lost interest in life.
After a grueling flight, the old flying saucer of Yakan ibn Khaqan finally arrived on the planet "Gurrabash ''. Yakan ibn Khaqan and his friends stopped at a hotel in the capital to have a good rest for a week or two. Lainjon Lainat, using a compact translator device belonging to Baltabalyk, talked to beautiful gurrabashkas who worked in an expensive hotel in the capital, intended for rich alien clients. They did not answer Lainjon Lanat's questions, only smiled amiably, taking his words for jokes. Baltabalyk, who had lost his memory, obediently followed Yakan ibn Khaqan, thoughtfully ate, drank, sat in silence, did not talk to anyone. Yakan ibn Hakan was negotiating with managers of large banks to sell his priceless goods, which he brought on his old flying saucer from the distant planet "Earth". Finally, he managed to sign contracts for the sale of goods on a barter basis, that is, to exchange dung for diamonds. His joy had no bounds. Yakan ibn Khaqan returned to his luxurious room in an expensive hotel, where poor Baltabalyk was still sitting in silence, looking out of the wide window with a misty gaze at the street. Lainjon Lanat disappeared for days with an attractive gurrabashka.
Yakan ibn Hakan, wanted to turn on the TV, then kick, and he found himself in a light trap, similar to an inverted plastic cup. Then he heard voices. - Mr. Alien Yakan ibn Hakan, you are under arrest on suspicion of murdering a gurrabash named Bitbyldyk and stealing his time machine of a new modification. Hearing this, Yakan ibn Khaqan turned his eyes from fear and surprise.
-What are you saying?! What kind of murder?! What kind of hijacking?! I do not know who this Bitbyldyk is! This is some kind of misunderstanding! I demand that this masquerade be stopped immediately! You have no right to arrest me! This is a setup! Meanness! I am an honest businessman and I came here only to sell priceless dung! I will complain to the Intergalactic Court! He shouted, standing in the police light trap like a parrot in a cage.
Soon he was tried and on the basis of the verdict of the jury, the court sentenced him to life imprisonment, with confiscation of property.
- The convicted alien, Mr. Yakan ibn Hakan, will serve his sentence as a particularly dangerous criminal in a correctional concentration camp located on the planet "Earth", the judge said.
Hearing this, Yakan ibn Khaqan even laughed, thinking about what fools these gurrabashes are, who send me to their home planet, where they love and appreciate me.There is a fair President of the country and the writers ' union at the very least.They will protect me, free me from prison. They will award me with orders and medals, give me an apartment with a country house, where I will write my exciting novels in the deserted silence.
A day later, according to a court decision, Yakan ibn Hakan was sent by stage to the planet "Earth", in a police-era spaceplane, which flew through space at breakneck speed with a heart-rending siren wail.
Yakan ibn Khaqan was sitting in the spaceport, with invisible handcuffs on his hands, looking at the police, who were silently flying in a chemical protection suit.
- Idiots-Yakan ibn Khaqan grinned.
Finally, the spaceplane landed and the police, carefully opening the lower hatch, pushed out the convicted Yakan ibn Khaqan. Thus, after delivering him to his destination, they flew back.
When he began to suffocate from the smoke, Yakan ibn Khaqan, with fear, thought that the Gurrabashs had deceived him by throwing him not to his native planet "Earth" but to a completely different planet, where there was nothing to breathe.
He looked around in surprise. Because this planet was foggy and only ruins caught the eye through this fog. There were no trees or grasses. The ground was covered with gray ash.. The same ash was flying in the air, like dandruff from unkempt hair. The Gurrabashi have deceived me , he thought with fear. It became even harder for him to breathe. Just at this time, he saw a man in an oxygen mask and asked him breathlessly: - Excuse me, sir, is this the planet "Earth"?
A passerby looked at him in surprise through the glass of a gas mask, then answered: - Yes.
Yakan ibn Khaqan continued: - I don't recognize anything here. Where are the houses, the trees? There are ruins all around. Why is it difficult to breathe here? Ash and fog are everywhere.
"Did you fall off the moon or something?" Where were you when the Third World War broke out? A year ago, such a war thundered on earth, and you did not know. Strange. You probably got a concussion along with the radiation. - said the man with a gas mask on his head, resembling an elephant with a trunk.
With these words, he began to leave. Yakan ibn Khaqan hurriedly caught up with him and asked: - Sir, I'm suffocating from lack of air. Can you tell me where I can get oxygen? Help me for God's sake. The man with the gas mask stopped when he heard the name of God.
- There, you see, there is a green booth around the bend, where it says H2O at the top. Here, go there and buy yourself oxygen, - he said.
Thanking him, Yakan ibn Khaqan ran to where he was pointing. There, in the booth, he saw a man also with a gas mask on his face. On the shelves were oxygen bottles with a mask of various sizes.
"Hello, Mr. Salesman," said Yakan ibn Khaqan.
- Hi, what do you want? - the seller said.
- Oxygen! I want oxygen! It's hard to breathe! - Yakan ibn Khaqan said, gasping for breath.
- Do you have any money? - the salesman asked.
- No. I'll bring it to you today. Give me a loan for now. Well, for God's sake, please-he begged.
- No, for God's sake, I can't. But if for the sake of our irreplaceable, highly respected president of the country, then I can give it - the seller said.
- Well, give it at least for the sake of the president of the country-said Yakan ibn Khakan. The seller wrote down the name and surname of Yakan ibn Khaqan in the debtors ' notebook, then gave him an oxygen canister with a mask. Yakan ibn Khaqan took a canister and, putting on an oxygen mask, began to suffocate even more. His eyes were squinting from lack of oxygen. Then, looking at the can, he saw the inscription "Carbonate dioxide". The salesman was laughing, shaking his shoulders. That's when Yakan ibn Khaqan only found out about the vile seller.

It was Lainjon Lanat.

11: 54 p.m.
Canada, Ontario.

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